handjob tips. give me some.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
