70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
