Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
