she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
where does the pee come out of this thing
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
