We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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