my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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