i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize