giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
