what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
