We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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