Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
