fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize