I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
