fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
