Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
