She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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