So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
