I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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