I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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