I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
