i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
