Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
