so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
