I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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