apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
