Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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