Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
