I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am available for nakedness
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
