She is in my trunk
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
