you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
