whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize