Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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