You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
