she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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