Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize