The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
