What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
