I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
