I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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