But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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