throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
