It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
