Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
vagina is talking i cant
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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