i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize