Already got asked if we're dating
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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