I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
