In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
