I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize