i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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