you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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