Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize