Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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