I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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