HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
