break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
