note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
