No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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