Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
