The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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