Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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