i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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