I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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