He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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