Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
4 words: hood of his car
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
