Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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