and she was petting her beer can
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
