**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
