operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
