I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
