Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
