I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
