Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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