Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
