he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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