I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
