Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I could fuck to npr.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
