lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
