She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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