eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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