So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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