If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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