i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize