i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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