i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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