if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
