Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
