Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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