You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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