How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
