my sisters under your porch take her home
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need water and some morals
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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