is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The air was thick with penises
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
