UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
